Okay, going to have to confess. This is not so much a rewatch as a ‘watch for the first time’ as I find Spiderman a bit dull and a bit annoying (I mean I don’t like reading books starring teenage boys, so a film isn’t any more enticing). So I never went to see it when it was in the cinema.

Omg. The theme tune is the Spiderman song! Ha ha!

So first off, if they had to cancel a city given contract, there would be provisions in it so that dude would get paid back for his losses. So whatever. Would he turn to such a life of crime? Or would the contract just paid him out and he would have gone on to another job. Whatever, everyone needs a back story. I’m not sure his is terribly amazing, the Vulture is just a petty weapons dealer and thief.

OKAY. NEED TO PAY ATTENTION.

There is a lot of integration with the other films, which I always appreciate. It gives like texture to what could otherwise be a very formulaic New York. Avengers tower, everyone now who the Avengers are, mention of Sokovia accords, the things in Vulture’s wing from a quinjet or whatever, the hilariousness of Captain American doing gym videos for high schools.

Oh man, I’m finding the whole high school drama super torturous. COME ON PETER. STOP BEING A TWAT. Also, while I realise his best friend needs to be curious, like everyone in the whole school would hear them. HOW DOES THEIR SCHOOL HAVE A MASS SPECTROMETER? Though, I am enjoying Michael Keaton looking vulture-y in his bomber jacket and weird neck thing. Hair all askew.

I can only assume that removing the tracker is a bad idea.

The unsung hero of this film is the terrible academic decathlon coach. “Protest is patriotic.”

I think what is somewhat unsatisfying is that Tony was keeping Peter on ice – no wonder he got up to hijinks. Like, it’s like he doesn’t recognise that he’d get bored – even though Peter is likewise a genius. And then he takes away his suit! I realise you need dramatic tension but it feels so high school. FINE. He’s a teenager, but one with super powers. It’s just a bit amateur after all the other films.

But that’s not to say that it doesn’t have its charm. The jokes are funny. OH FANCY TWIST WITH THE VULTURE BEING LIZ’S DAD. Spoiler. Totally awkward having your first super villain driving you the fucking prom. Jesus fucking Christ. The Vulture is very perceptive. OMFG HE KNEW IN THE CAR THAT HE WAS GOING AFTER HIM AND LEFT HIS PHONE THERE. WAH.

Okay, I got carried away by the last act of the film. It was pretty good. I hate how we have to get through tedious high school drama to get there. But it made the drive to the prom fun. But did he learn his lesson? He still went out and disobeyed Tony but just without his fancy suit. It’s only that it worked out that Tony wasn’t chewing him out again. Oh well. It’s not like other films haven’t had their inconsistencies.

What was nice is that the Vulture was a totally different bad guy – and a really nice reinvention of the character. We didn’t get Spiderman vs Bad Spiderman – so it made for real drama. And danger with the flying around and what not. The whole almost drowning with the parachute was intense!

SO IT WAS OKAY. JUST LESS HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA NEXT TIME, THANKS..