Book reviews / Science Fiction

Book review: The Book of Joan

Oh my god. What the fuck was this thing.

I wish I had googled that the author was an English professor before I picked this up. It had that air of overly-thought-about literature that always annoys the shit out of me.

I mean, fine, there’s probably some sort of meaning in the layers of bullshit that I just waded through, but I’ll leave that to future English students to be tortured by.

Where do I fucking start.

So, there’s a girl named Joan. She somehow gets the power to cause an ecological disaster that makes the planet unliveable. Well, almost unliveable. They have a giant, not-well-explained-basically-incomprehensible war first. Those with means retreat to a space station and slowly devolve (I don’t know how that happens). Apparently that means no one has an genitalia anymore. I’m pretty sure that’s not how mutation works, but whatever.  People also, therefore, stop being able to have children. Oh, and they lose all their hair. So now they make ‘skin grafts’ which means burning and extending their skin like hair and just weirdness.

I have no idea why this happens. Apparently it’s in place of something, like their missing sexuality. Or art. Or bullshit. You can probably guess my opinion.

Back on earth, we find that Joan survived being burned to death by those on the station and I dunno, just wanders about. Being moody apparently. Who knows. Then some other shit happens and lots of people die, the spaceship heads towards the sun and Joan somehow can recreate the earth or save it. Who the fuck knows.

Fuck it, I can’t even be bothered to explain it. I hated it.

It seemed sneery and pretentious. Outright ridiculous sexual imagery in place of an actual decent plot and coherence to a universe. There were long torturous passages where I’m sure someone was trying to sound deep but just sounded like utter bullshit.

I’m sure there’s something about treating the planet right. Maybe love? Who the fuck knows. It was incoherent and should have tried to have an interesting narrative rather than hack philosophy strung together by people loving but not quite loving each other. WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.

God, I wish for once it didn’t find it’s way into the science fiction section and instead was somewhere far far away from it. 

I started hate reading it about 30% in because it was that bad. The last few chapters were just fucking deranged for now reason that I can fathom. Creating synthetic reproduction systems in kidnapped women, the ultimate bad guy pretending to be a man but really a woman. WHY DID THAT MATTER? Slicing someone open and eating…something that he pulled from inside her? WHAT THE FUCK?

God, what the hell did I just read. I’m angry and annoyed that something with such a nice cover was so annoyingly vapid and pretentious at the same time. Ugh. Minus a million stars.

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